asa

asa is a service submissive married to his Keyholder Wife and,Domme, DSM-Domina. They've been playing with D/s, service submission, and chastity for 20+ years. asa enjoys playing his Domme and the other Superiors he is loaned out to for non-sexual service such as car detailing, lawn mowing, cleaning and research. asa is active in his local kink community and online groups, as well.

Interview with asa

Why is service important to you?

I want to be in an "authentic", or "real" D/s dynamic, and doing service is what allows me to go beyond words and put my submission into action, action that makes the Dominant's life easier. I had long struggled with wanting to feel submissive, with not knowing how to make that a reality with our busy vanilla lives and family. Porn images of subs tied up didn't help--that just added to my Dominant's workload. But doing service for Her allowed me to "make it real" and simplify Her life at the same time, so it was a win-win. That has carried forward as we've added other Superiors that I serve on a non-sexual basis. Through service, I get to feel the D/s power dynamic I crave, and by mowing Their yards, cleaning Their house or detailing Their car, the Superior's lives are a bit easier, too.

Do you have any advice for partners who are looking to incorporate service kink play into their lives for the first time?

Talk, listen, communicate, then start small and go from there. When we first started, I just picked up some extra tasks around the house. As my Dominant grew to trust that I would do a good job with the new tasks (through training and correction), She would allow me to pick up other tasks. Just keep checking in with each other throughout the process to be sure the services provided are meeting the Dominant's standards. We do that through a simple grading scale. If She gives me an A for the week, I know I am on track and can maybe take on more. Lower grades mean I need to improve. The submissive can suggest ideas, but the Dominant needs to stay in charge of the overall process.

Do you have a specific service headspace?

Yes, especially when I am busy with "regular life" and feel like it's the extra service tasks that are killing my schedule. In those times, I try to take a breath and remember that I asked for this D/s dynamic and that service is what that looks like. I try to recontextualize the tasks from "chores" to "living out my kink". That opens up some submissive energy that can help me power through the tasks. The trap is to think that I need to do this for Person A and that for Person B. Really, those people are allowing me to express my submission through doing service for Them.