Interviews
Service Oriented Conference
This page contains interviews from our past SOC presenters and panelists.
I want to be in an "authentic", or "real" D/s dynamic, and doing service is what allows me to go beyond words and put my submission into action, action that makes the Dominant's life easier. I had long struggled with wanting to feel submissive, with not knowing how to make that a reality with our busy vanilla lives and family. Porn images of subs tied up didn't help--that just added to my Dominant's workload. But doing service for Her allowed me to "make it real" and simplify Her life at the same time, so it was a win-win. That has carried forward as we've added other Superiors that I serve on a non-sexual basis. Through service, I get to feel the D/s power dynamic I crave, and by mowing Their yards, cleaning Their house or detailing Their car, the Superior's lives are a bit easier, too.
Talk, listen, communicate, then start small and go from there. When we first started, I just picked up some extra tasks around the house. As my Dominant grew to trust that I would do a good job with the new tasks (through training and correction), She would allow me to pick up other tasks. Just keep checking in with each other throughout the process to be sure the services provided are meeting the Dominant's standards. We do that through a simple grading scale. If She gives me an A for the week, I know I am on track and can maybe take on more. Lower grades mean I need to improve. The submissive can suggest ideas, but the Dominant needs to stay in charge of the overall process.
Yes, especially when I am busy with "regular life" and feel like it's the extra service tasks that are killing my schedule. In those times, I try to take a breath and remember that I asked for this D/s dynamic and that service is what that looks like. I try to recontextualize the tasks from "chores" to "living out my kink". That opens up some submissive energy that can help me power through the tasks. The trap is to think that I need to do this for Person A and that for Person B. Really, those people are allowing me to express my submission through doing service for Them.
I find a lot of joy in bootblacking. I enjoy talking with people and being able to make physical contact that is not inherently sexual but it can be. People get touch starved, myself included, and it is nice to be touched and touch others. I enjoy the feeling of a job well done. I like looking at my work on someone's leather and having them look so much differently than where they just started. I also enjoy the gentle massages and the release of tension and pressure people feel when I work on them in my stand.
I feel that as a person who enjoys serving, I forget or find it hard to receive service back. We live in a world where absolutely nothing is free and people have a give-take mentality. I enjoy giving without the expectation of receiving. It gives me anxiety sometimes that when others give to me, I cannot match their effort. With time and therapy, I have opened myself to being able to receive more service given to me.
I love hosting so I would love to learn how to be a chef. I would cook elaborate dinners for my guests and loves when I can. I do that on a small scale now, but I would love to cook any cuisine based off skill and not a book.
Sexuality is not important to serving, but I would be remiss if I didn't find it very enjoyable to do service for those I have attraction for or have service as a way to introduce myself. It’s fun bootblacking for people I am romantically interested in. I can flirt in my service and I also enjoy other forms of sensual service like fire cupping, massages, and bathing.
I consider myself a service cat. I enjoy dressing up as a cat and going to do service or be in the stands. Cats have a heightened sense of being that I feel like comes to the surface when I am in that headspace. I can see minor details better, hear directions more clearly, and I can hyperfocus better into a task.
I'm Hannah (she/her), known as HannahTheScribe across the Internet. I'm a 24/7 high protocol service slave/homemaker and lifestyle masochist in an irrevocable consent dynamic of almost seven years. I'm the author of several books, including compilations of my blog Service Slave Secrets. I'm also a Leathergirl, a kink educator of almost four years (focusing on service and protocol), and a local group facilitator—TNG in the kink community, and a writing group in the vanilla world. I'm a twenty-six year old Las Vegas native, where I've stayed with my lovely Mistress/wife and our two adorable cats.
I enjoy being useful and pleasing, and I find my dynamic refreshing in that it offers explicit instructions on how to do that, and my desire to serve is never "too much" and always able to safely flourish.
Always! Right now, my big project is (still) going to butler school online. Within the last year or so, I've also taken courses on skills ranging from tarot reading to sketchnoting to psychedelic tripsitting, and all of them have come in handy.
Yes! I maintain my full list of recommended resources here.
Service is important to me for a plethora of reasons. I believe it is at the heart of how I live my life. It is one of the areas of my life where I find the most joy, and that joy is given to others. I believe that service pushes me to explore new things within myself, it allows me to become one with myself, and once I am in tune with myself and how I am best served I can pour that into others and other areas. Many people look at service as giving to others. I look at service first and foremost as giving to myself. I can not pour from an empty cup. So, serving myself well in self-care, education, skills and other areas allows me to be my best self when I step out in an effort to serve others.
Whew, this is such a crazy question for me because I have a few. I don’t know if they are aware of how they’ve inspired me by being such great examples. In no particular order, here are a few of my role models. The first is slave Ailina. Her poise and grace are such a force when she serves it makes you stop and pay attention. Also, her skill level with which she serves her House is top-notch. She encourages, she uplifts, she teaches, and she reminds me that each slave’s service is unique to them. Next, we have slave raven edgar. Her ability to multitask should be recorded by the Guinness book of records. I have learned so much about how to manage calendars and improve upon my overall time management from her. I can list so many more, but for the sake of time I will stop at baby glaze. She is just truly amazing; however, her attention to detail is second to none, especially when it comes to cigar service. I want to be just like her when I grow up lol.
This is just a great question, and one that I had not given much thought to prior to being asked. Yes, I do have a specific headspace. When I am about to enter into service I meditate and get my mind ready for the task at hand. Once I have centered my mind, I am completely in a different mindset. I tune out all background noise, and if needed, all others around me. I am solely focusing on the service itself, or the service and the person I am in service to. Once the service has ended, I allow myself a few moments to come out of that space. I do an inward evaluation of the service and I make sure to tell myself that I did a good job.
Doesn’t everybody? LOL. Seriously, yes. There are times when I feel that my service is not up to standard. That standard when I first started out was the standard that was set in my mind by others I admired in the community. I would watch how they performed a certain type of service and if I could not do it exactly like that I felt that my service was not good enough, or that I was serving wrong. However, over time I have learned that service is dually unique. What I mean by that it is service is not one size fits all. It is unique in that the person providing the service is their own person and the service they provide will be done in their own unique way. Also, the person they are providing service to will have their own way in which they like that service to be provided. I still have times when I don’t think that I meet my own standards of service. In my moments of insecurity, I remember to give myself grace and know that I can always improve.
Service offers me an opportunity to connect with other people. Through people's interests, insights, and lessons around service, I gain opportunities to learn about new activities, skills, and passions I otherwise may not have. As such, I've learned new skills and techniques in providing service. Additionally, I've learned what it means to receive service without fear or shame that I'm not doing enough to earn it. Understanding my relationship with my dominant partner through a framework of service has allowed me the opportunity to build new awareness of myself and my communication with him to form a stronger and deeper bond. Service is important to me because there is so much more to learn and share; I look forward to finding out more.
I am working toward approaching service with grace, ease, and compassion. I have found that I can sometimes be grumpy when I serve, especially when I am stressed. While I strongly contend that showing one's authentic feelings while providing service is acceptable and valid, I don't like coming from a place of anxiety or annoyance when I complete my service tasks. I am working on approaching my service more mindfully and finding ways to address the root cause of my grumpiness so I may provide service more openly and easily.
Absolutely! Social comparison can sometimes creep into my assessment of my service. There are so many wonderful people who serve in incredible ways in what it is we do! Who am I to think I measure up? I mean take my recent foray into barista service; it's been over a year and I am still a novice at latte art. My lattes look like abstract modern art, not the hearts and leaves that grace our Instagrams!
I think it is okay to feel insecure in service sometimes, so long as it isn't detrimental to my ability to serve. I can keep working toward service, and provide awesome service, even if it isn't my definition of "perfect." What matters most in my opinion is those whom I serve are satisfied and I enjoy serving. And so, I will keep making lattes-even if they aren't artsy each time.
I'd say start with small things that you already do and build a protocol or structure around them through intentional communication and practice. As an example, I started exploring service with my dominant through me filling his water bottle. I would feel the weight of his water bottle when I came near it while going about my day. If it felt fairly light when I picked it up, I would fill it and bring it to him, and if it was full, I made sure it was in easy reach. Recently, he's asked me to add a water enhancer to flavor the water, or rinse out the bottle before I refill it. Service activities don't need to include a whole formal ritual every time (though those can be fun too!). Small things that we do every day can be the start of significant and meaningful service.
I am, at my core, before anything else, a service submissive. It is my unique and exquisite pleasure to be useful and of service. "What can I do to make your life easier,” is a core question. May I serve as a footstool, chair, coffee table, ashtray? Wash and iron your clothing, cook you dinner, clean your bathroom, run your errands? Polish your boots? Polish your knob? Polish your car? Scratch your back? Give a massage? Dance for you, or with you? Give you a bath? Shave your face or body? All of these and more are aspects I incorporate into my dynamics.
Two of my favorites are to serve drinks and cigar service, the more formal the better! I LOVE LOVE LOVE ritual service, to take a mundane task and turn it into an art form.
When I am not in service to an individual, I satisfy my need to serve by serving my community: volunteering, leading groups, teaching, mentoring, and supporting. This is my spirituality, this is what feeds my soul. The one caution I give is not to pour into people or communities that do not pour back. If you find yourself feeling resentful, it might mean you are giving more than receiving. Learning to set healthy boundaries was one of the most difficult but most fulfilling parts of my journey.
Bootblacking. I have done, and still do, research on it though. I am fortunate enough to have some very skilled Bootblacks as close friends of mine. They passed along resources and tips, etc. But, it ain’t a cheap skill to learn, and I am ballin’ on a budget. So…
Domestic, for sure!!! Everything from cleaning to running errands. When I was a kid, my older sister made me clean the house on Saturdays before I could play, and that continued with my Mom up through high school. Cleaning an entire house on my own? I grew to hate all things domestic, except cooking-I enjoy that. So, I am very appreciative when someone not only willingly but happily provides domestic service to me. It can be very exhausting.
Empathy. I am very proud of my Empathetic nature. For a while, I did not really believe that it was special and dismissed it, but I have found that others feel comfortable with me, and they feel that I am trustworthy enough to open up to about good (and not so good) things happening in their lives. It feels affirming when I am told that I have helped them, that they feel less burdened, or I make them laugh through tears. It is a great feeling to know that people see me that way. It is described by my sister, Domina Kat as “Care Bear energy.”
Yes, for sure. In the beginning, I didn’t consider the things I was doing in the community to be service. I did some stuff but wasn’t seeing the impact it was having; how it was affecting people. Along the way, I slowly started to see, with a few close people’s help, that the services I provide have the capacity to really help others and have value. Now I am embracing the skills that I do have and am ready to help at the drop of a hat. For instance, MsC Worldwide and SOC both ask me to participate every year for the past three years. I say “Yes” before I even finish the email!! However, I don’t say yes to everything offered. We all need to set boundaries and pace ourselves. That said, I am trying to find new ways to serve my loved ones, my organizations, and the community as a whole.
When I first saw this question, I thought of two things, Massage Therapy, because conferences make you tired, and being able to provide that service to people during a con would be kind of cool. Then I thought about learning all I could about treating and styling hair for BiPoC Female-identified folk, so if they want something just for fun or for a particular event during a conference, I could do it for them because one thing I dread is having to deal with my hair at a Con. Or I could be just a lifestyle (LBGTQIA+, Kink, M/s, Leather etc.) friendly hair salon.
I am MsDDom, from Denver and living in Atlanta. Identities that apply to me are Master, Leatherwoman, and FemDom. I do a lot of things because I like being busy; sometimes it is hard saying no. My service to the community is focused on the community overall through support and success. I actually like staying in the background...being the “cog in the wheel” is where I am most happy.
I found the joy of serving as a kid; my mother would volunteer for many community service projects and take my sister and I along. It was fun giving of our time and being present to see the fruits of our volunteer "labor". Serving and being of service is just a part of who I am, in and outside of kink/BDSM/Leather.
Honestly, true alignment of will. There are those who believe they understand the directive, but an incorrect belief may get in the way of actually delivering a specific service need. There is a definite challenge in assumptions instead of getting clarity.
I think about service in relationship to people...it is important for me to share my time with people I care for; it is important for me to show love to those who love me; and it is important for me experience personal joy through service to people, groups, or a causes bigger than myself.
YES! While traveling is my ultimate getaway for self-care, when I cannot, it is literally just being at home, in bed, binge-watching documentaries...or my favorite repeats of Frasier. Generally, if I am serving at a conference, I take time away from the venue and experience something in the city. Decompressing in any way is a good thing.
Service makes the world go 'round; you give, you share, and then you'll smile.
I was raised in a family where helping others and giving back was important, and I learned as a child that even if we are personally successful, we can’t forget others whose needs may be greater than ours. I’ve been volunteering throughout my life, doing disaster relief, working at women’s centers, writing for community newsletters, and organizing marches.
When I got into the leather scene, I was drawn to its values: respecting others, having personal integrity, and adhering to what is right regardless of the personal cost. To me this goes hand in hand with service. I was extremely fortunate to find a MIstress with similar values, and I am truly honored to serve her. I find joy in making her life easier.
As an introvert, I don’t like to be in the spotlight, but I like that my contributions contribute to Her happiness and Her achievements, and She encourages me to contribute to community as part of my service to Her. Service also fulfills my personal needs: to know that I’m useful, that I’m making a difference, and frankly, that what I help create will live past me.
Glenda Rider once said that you need to create the place you want to live in, so service to my community has always been important to me. We can’t just sit back and enjoy the fruits of others’ labors; we all need to contribute if we want it to thrive. And these days, when we’re facing so many threats, I recall Benjamin Franklin’s saying: “If we don’t hang together, we’ll all hang separately.”
Serving without thought of compensation, giving because it’s the right thing to do, is, in my mind, the highest calling.
It has taken Me several years just to get used to receiving service in general. When someone sees I might be struggling with something physical, like getting up from a low chair or carrying a full beverage cup for Me, offering before I've even asked is deeply meaningful. It feels like they see the struggle and want to help ease that for Me, as an act of caring.
For Me, it comes down to setting that ego aside. I have always been the strong, capable one in service to my community and relationships. But now I'm in a position of NEEDING service more often than being able to give. It's so hard to accept and come to grips with, no matter how much My slave loves Me. Asking for service or providing space for someone to serve is different than needing that service.
I think I was 3 and a half or 4 when my mom had mononucleosis. So I was just a little kid and we had my brother Kenny who was only a year old at the time. My mother was put on bed rest and My father still had to work. I remember an alarm going off at 4:30pm which was for Me to make dinner. Dad had put out all the things I needed before leaving for work, I had a step stool, and there were Sharpie marks for temperatures on the oven that I wasn't allowed to go past. There's even a picture of Me somewhere with Kenny's head under My arm and the laundry basket being dragged behind Me. At the time, it felt good to serve the whole house in that way.
Absolutely. Sir has volun-told me to do things i never dreamed of. For instance, i was President of the HardPink Sisterhood for awhile. Before that time, i had a seriously challenging time connecting with femme-identified folks. It would take quite some time to delve into why that is-but the point is, i found it hard. Then the opportunity came up when the Founder needed to take a break to focus on her life and Sir said, "you will apply." That time in leadership taught me quite a lot but the main takeaway was the power of feminine support. Now all of the closest people in my life are female-identified and i couldn't imagine life without that softness, encouragement, and comradery. Engaging in those friendships and truly putting in the work to make the bonds strong has created a softness and compassion in me that i refused to consider before.
Living in this world is so frickin hard. If you're anything different than societal status quo (and even then, the pressure to keep being "normal" is crippling), you have proof from social media and news outlets that you don't deserve to live your life the way you're called to. And all of us are crushed under capitalism. This pressure just to live and the way service can alleviate so much of that pressure is what motivates me to serve. i do my vanilla job in a way that makes the lives of my coworkers easier. When out in the world, i engage with people in the most gentle way i can. While serving my Master and this community, i want it to be the most comforting and easy going interaction. By just watching, actively listening, and jumping in when i have the energy, i can help take that overwhelming pressure off the shoulders of those around me. Making this world a softer place to exist motivates me to serve.
i don't know how to describe this service. Maybe companion service is the best description. With Sir, that means keeping a tidy and welcoming home, joining Her on whatever adventure She thinks of, engaging my mind so I can bring Her interesting conversations and facts, and noting new places W/we can explore together. For friends, it means knowing the thing they need while out in the world so they don't feel out of place or overwhelmed. This friend doesn't like ordering at a drive-in window because it gives her anxiety, so i make sure to choose places we can order online. That friend has a medical procedure coming up so i put it on my calendar to remind myself to send love. All of us are struggling through something so i do what i can to make notes on what is helpful for each of them to keep moving through the challenges of daily life.
Absolutely anyone that puts in the blood, sweat and tears to produce anything in this community. The art of bringing people together in a space that's as safe as you can make it while dodging drama, ridiculous requests, last minute cancellations, not enough help, (and the list goes on) is a hero in my book. Producing is the one thing still left on my hard no list!
Service is important to me because it is a place beyond words of truly showing up for others. Over a human lifetime many people say many things in our lives but their actions don’t always match their words. As human beings this can lead to wounds in our spirits, mental health struggles, or trust being hard to give to others. When we choose to be of service and fill in where we are needing we are stepping beyond words and physically saying here I am, showing up, loving, supporting, filling a need, giving care, whatever the moment requires, I am here for you. By giving service it is my humble opinion that we can create healing in our lives, others lives and the world around us. For indigenous peoples all around the world service is healing energy medicine. I can’t think of anything more sacredly powerful than showing up and adding in where we are needed.
As an indigenous person one of the deepest principles I live by is what part of the whole am I. Being raised in American culture, the media can often highlight a self centered focus of “what’s in it for me?” For me being of service means adding my gifts and talents to the collective, and asking “what part of the whole I am”. It is amazing when I honor myself, add my gifts and talents, and step outside of myself how worry, fear, or self doubt fall away as I connect to others as a needed part of the bigger picture of life.
One of my deepest joys in having the honor of giving my Master, friends, and communities service is to truly see all the people around me and honor the amazingness of who they are. To deeply connect with others and connect others to each other. I love to hold sacred safe space for events, discussions, classes, gatherings, and so much more whether virtual or in person. I read a book by the previous surgeon general a few years ago where he discussed the biggest epidemic Americans were facing was actually loneliness, and that that led to many health issues. Nothing gives me more service joy, then someone saying, I felt so seen by others, I made a new friend, I learned something profound today I will always carry with me, I feel part of community, I have a place to belong. My heart is overflowing with joy when I see others easing loneliness, learning something new and finding belonging in spaces I have had the honor to create or hold.
I have absolutely grown 150% from service. About 6 or 7 years ago I was pretty shy and got anxious about speaking in front of others. Some people would share with me that what I had to say impacted them positively. I began speaking up one time in a meeting in my local s-type group and 1 time in our MAsT meeting, each meeting as a service that maybe others could take something from what I had learned on my journey. During Covid I begin to moderate classes as a service. I got to meet many new friends across the country and world. My confidence in the difference in others lives I made grew. People expressed to me the positive impact I had and I began speaking up more and more. I wrote a few classes hoping they would be of service to others to support them learning new things about themselves. I now lead my local MAsT chapter, co-lead my semi-local other MAsT Chapter, have hosted a virtual s-type group monthly for almost 4 years , and taught classes virtually, locally, and across the country at large conferences. I worked through my shyness and anxiety from negative childhood experiences with the main goal of being of service to others by speaking up and sharing my voice. Focusing on being of service to others has helped me gain self confidence and find my public voice, with a hope of sharing indigenous wisdoms around creating safe spaces of co-creation where all peoples are celebrated. Holding space for my service vision helps me to grow in ways I never imagined.
I absolutely have service self-care! For me it is essential if I want to keep doing all the things as a service person that we do. I look at it as we are each a cup filled with energy that some is poured out when we give service. Everything is energy. If we go to the grocery store and buy an apple, the money is the energy payment that we received for the work energy we did then we put that toward the food energy of the apple into our body as energy to continue the cycle of energy exchange. Anytime we do a service we are pouring out energy of time, money, attention etc. For me as someone who spends a lot of time creating space for others whether it’s my Master, his children, or community. I have to have service self-care of time alone in silence, self reflection, etc. I have an old neck/shoulder injury that I do yoga, take a nightly bath and get massage and chiropractic for. I need that energy care for my body poured in so I can go pour it out to others!
My advice for those looking to incorporate service kink play into their life’s for the first time is to look at what brings all the partners joy and connection? Too often I see people love a protocol, ritual or service they saw someone else do at an event or class. They get frustrated when it doesn’t go well, doesn’t work for them, or it doesn’t match well with their daily environment. What I have learned when we see other people do protocol, ritual, or service is that we are attracted to the energy connection the people are exchanging by using that vehicle, not necessarily the vehicle itself. Say for example, we see a submissive kneeling with mouth open as an ashtray for cigar play. But the slave watching has a bad knee and a jaw issue that makes kneeling and holding the mouth open impossible. The slave could sit on a lower chair or stool than the D or M type and use their clasped hands as a bowl for an Ashtray with the same connection outcome. The point is the service and connection not looking exactly like someone else. Also services don’t have to be traditional, like servicing a cup of tea, food, or domestic work. If you don't like those things, don't do them. A service is something that makes the person you are serving happy. I have had friends who play the boring parts of video games for their partner to stack up points and supplies so the partner gets to just play the fun parts. I curate lists of TV shows and movies for my Master of things he would like so he can just pick and doesn’t have to search for stuff. Find what brings you and your partners joy and connection and create a service around it!
Service Oriented Conference